e-Jokes

7. Ali G Interviews Elton John

Ali G: Alo! I is ere wiv none uver dan da batty boy of pop, John Elton. Respect.

Elton John: It's Elton John actually Ali.

Ali G: Aiih, whatever. So John, is you always been a batty boy cause I erd dat you woz once married - although I also erd dat da missus was mingin?

Elton John: Well Ali if you mean have I always been gay then probably deep down I was but maybe fought it because in my younger days especially it was not socially acceptable to be gay.

Ali G: Fer real, but when you was gettin' jiggy did you fink about people like James Dean and that Jonny Rottweiler who was tarzan so you wouldn't end up wiv a floppy or woz you trisexual and didn't care where you was stickin' Mr biggy?

Elton John: Again I probably fought hard to convince myself I wasn't gay so I never had a problem maintaining an rection with women. I now know I am homosexual so I would probably struggle to get aroused with a woman now.

Ali G: Wow, I fink I might be homosexual then cause Mr biggy wasn't coming out to play last Saturday night although ma Julie says it woz coz I drank a bottle of Dan Jackiels and had about 6 spliffs. I fink it woz coz me Julie isn't very subtractive now in fact she's a dog.

Elton John: I think you're Julie was right - it takes one to know one.

Ali G: Wot, is you saying me Julie is a batty boy? Nah, the bitch won't take it up the exit hole, I've tried slipping it in a few times.
Happarently Julie is too nice a girl for batty secs but she's not too nice for a threesome wiv me mate Dave - it woz wicked!

Elton John: Well a lot of women are not keen on anal sex just as I know some gay men who are not keen on it either. Just because you're gay doesn't mean that you have to like it - there are other ways to express yourself sexually with another man.

Ali G: Eh? Like fellatilatio you mean or gaelic.

Elton John: Gaelic?

Ali G: Aiih, gaelic. When batty boys lick each other.

Elton John: Sure, oral sex is one way of pleasing a lover but sensual massage can be very enjoyable for example.

Ali G: But dat is a bit rank innit - ah mean you need to lose you're orange juice or what is da point? Anyways enough talk about homosapiens - I hear dat you spend killions of dosh every year on shopping. Is dat because you is a feminist?

Elton John: I do spend a lot of money on shopping yes but I wouldn't describe myself as a feminist.

Ali G: But I thought dat all gay people were feminists?

Elton John: Eh?

Ali G: Chill. Anyway, is you related to dat lefty comedian Ben Elton cause I fink he is rank.

Elton John: No, I told you before my name is Elton John and not John Elton.

Ali G: Cool, woz your parents spaced out when dey named you?

Elton John: No, that's not my real name but my stage name. Many performers change their names to try to sound more appealing to the public. Take Gary Glitter for example, his name is really Paul Gadd - can you imagine the same guy selling so many records as Paul Gadd or me as Reg Dwight.

Ali G: Nah, but I can imagine him taking some poor kiddies up the Gary and yer mate George Michael - I would never let my son go down on him the preverted bastard.

Elton John: OK so George made a mistake - anyway I thought you said enough of the gay talk. I'd much rather you concentrated on another aspect of me.

Ali G: Me know what you is saying, sorry Mr Elton. OK then, does you not fink dat you looks rank wearing a wig? Ah mean you looked a total dic in the seventies wiv da shades but everyone looked like dics in da seventies.

Elton John: If you're going to insult me any more I will walk out of the interview - I can put up with a lot but you're going too far

Ali G: Chill Johnny, no offence. OK - you re-wrote dat Candle in the Wind song when Princess Di got killed, do you fink she was incinerated by da SAS on da Queens orders or do you fink it woz just down to dat pissed French

Elton John: Really Ali, Princess Diana was a very dear personal friend of mine whom I loved very much - I don't want to discuss it.

Ali G: You loved her, but how could you if you is a batty boy? Is she a femisist or somefink?

Elton John: (Elton leaves the room)

Ali G: Nil respect to da menstral batty boy of pop - some people is just too sensidine. It must be all da years hangin wiv da homosapiens and havin his batty bashed. Anyways I is off for some erbal remedy wiv me boyz westside. yakasha!


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